New York City Chinatown Cover-up

December 8 2009

New York City, Chinatown

Agency: Mayor's Office of Special Enforcement

"THE DEPARTMENT OF BUILDINGS HAS DETERMINED THAT CONDITIONS IN THIS PREMISES ARE IMMINENTLY PERILOUS TO LIFE."

"Person entering these premises are subject to arrest."

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I was at a bar downtown and two women were discussing the holiday raids on Canal Street in New York City. We'll call them Sarah and Jane since they looked like Sarah Silverman and Jane Krakowski. Sarah kept ranting about how she had almost gone the day before the raid to find a knockoff of the Valentino Petale tote bag to give to her sister for Christmas and how much she wish she had. While Jane bitched about how the Mayor and N.Y.P.D. had officially f*&%ed up a holiday tradition her and her mother had, trolling Canal Street for knockoffs to give to their unsuspecting relatives out in the Midwest.

I pretended to read my book while I listened to these two women who were honestly worried about their shopping options now that Canal street had been officially closed until further notice. An older woman on the other side of Sarah and Jane had also been listening to their conversation and began to laugh, quite noticeably. Both of the women stopped talking and looked over at her.

The woman looked like she was in her late fifties or early sixties. Her hair was salt, pepper and short. There was a whisky glass in front of her with a deep amber liquid in it, neat, no rocks. As she sat a little back away from the bar, while she laughed, I could read her shirt, it read " Kill'em All! Let God Sort'Em Out"


The older woman looked towards Sarah and Jane over the rim of her dark glasses

" Scuse me ladies, but do you really believe this horse shit about them closing down Canal Street because they have some purses with fancy labels spelled wrong? Hmmm? Well do ya?"

Sarah and Jane just looked at each other and shrugged at the old woman. The old woman took a sip of her glass and began talking...

"They've been "raiding" Canal street for as long as I can remember. On one hand the police get to look like a bunch of hot shots doing their civil duty and on the other hand the Chinese get free advertising for their fake shit. Not to mention the city makes a fortune off of the tourism all that fake fashion stuff brings in. It's a win-win-win situation. Nah, they closed Canal street because a bunch of immigrants went feral.

The way I hear it a bunch of immigrants came off a boat and were being hidden in the small spaces behind the secret rooms where they sold their knockoff fashion crap. Most of the crew on the ship were either dead or spooked so bad they had to remove them forcibly from the ship. You have to remember that they didn't just walk these water rats from the boat to the back storage of Canal Street. Nah, they were drugged before the boat docked and locked in shipping boxes. That way it would just look like any other delivery.

Anyways, after the drugs wore off some of these water rats or immigrants or whatever you want to call them started going feral, like I said before. Becoming completely wild, even killing and eating some of the other water rats being held with them. I heard that one feral slaughtered and partially ate four other people being held with him and when they tried to transfer him to another room he viciously attacked three men biting and scratching. They hit him with bats and pipes but neither seemed to phase him. He just kept attacking until someone finally shot him in the head.

Next thing you knew the N.Y.P.D. was called in to handle these "feral dogs". They deemed it to be some sort of hysteria or virus or somethin'. But they couldn't tell the news this, especially right before the holidays in this recession. So they chalked it up to stamping out the thriving counterfeit industry of New York City.

What's really strange about these raids is that, unlike all the other raids before, there are "CLOSED BY COURT ORDER" , RESTRAINING ORDER and VACATE:DO NOT ENTER signs posted on the shops gates now. I never saw them do that before. Saying that the premises are imminently perilous to life. Since when are knockoff hand bags perilous to life? Nope, it's a quarantine situation that's being covered up for the sake of New York tourism and the like. I just hope that whatever came here with those people on that boat doesn't get any further than it has. But if it does I'm ready..."

She moved her jean jacket just a enough so the two women could see the handle to a gun sitting peacefully in a holster under the old woman's arm.

"...I believe in what my shirt says. You have a good evening ladies."

With that, the old woman stood up, downed the last of her drink and left the bar. I turned to look at the bartender who looked back at me is disbelief. Sarah and Jane got up without saying a word, put on their coats and left the bar. I went back to reading my book, The Zombie Survival Guide.